planes of understanding

What is being connected? Why does it feel that the strongest connection is when we are the furthest apart, when our level of understanding is on different planes, when our mind is least worried about the other? I ask questions, only to find no answers. I ask to find sadness, to find that the understanding as passed me by. No matter how above average my intellect might rise, to grasp the connection in the moment is difficult for I’m blind. Or I refuse to see. In either case, it’s a fool’s errand that I seek, to find connections between you at opportune times, for opportune times in my mindset is a 180 from what fate has lined up. Only if I could see, in that moment, what I need to see, and not be blinded by the shackles that I impose, would I have less confusion in my life.

It has come to this, when the heartfelt letters pour from the fingers, when the ability to grasp is most slipperiest, that I find myself swarmed in thoughts. At the time when I wish to mediate the most, to let the blood flow through the cells, I force my self to write the thoughts of my head. Of regrets that happen to be thought of, of those that I ponder upon, when the moment has passed and I have grown older, do I yearn for turning things back.